Running into conflict is an inevitability, no matter the workplace. Emily Wilder, associate director of business operations at the University of Kansas Transportation Center, gave an interactive presentation at the virtual NLTAPA/NTTD Annual Conference that taught participants how to manage conflict in the workplace—or indeed, anywhere.
Wilder posits that the foundation to successful conflict management is being able to effectively manage yourself. Quick reactions when tensions are high tend to have negative consequences. Wilder designed the “STOP method” to encourage people to slow down and carefully consider a situation before acting. Like a STOP sign, the STOP method reminds us to pause, assess what’s happening, and proceed thoughtfully.
- Sensing: Becoming more fully aware of yourself on a physical, emotional, and value-based level is key in managing conflict. How are you physically reacting to the situation? What emotions are driving that reaction, and what underlying values feed those emotions? The only person you can control during conflict is yourself, so fully understanding yourself is key to managing a tense situation.
- Take the time: Quick reactions are tempting but prone to negative results. Depending on the circumstances, it may be smart to take a few deep breaths, a couple extra minutes, or even days to think over the situation.
- Observations and perceptions: Observations are definite, observable truths. Perceptions are the conclusions and meanings people draw from observations. “Playing Sherlock Holmes,” Wilder says, is a dangerous game—we are less good at it than we think, and our perceptions are often colored by our own experiences. Learning to separate observations from perceptions is important, as it helps us identify the true root of problems and address them as they are.
“You don’t stay at a stop sign forever,” Wilder says, and eventually a person must move past the STOP method and make either a request or an offer. If they’ve done their part well and have taken the time to fully consider the driving forces behind the conflict, the request or offer can move the conversation forward and help resolve the conflict.
—Sophia Koch, MnLTAP freelancer